Infancy!

Sitting in one of the chairs, I lost in the silence, it calmed all my senses, looking straight ahead, the Eucharistic adoration is happening..

I asked numerous questions, and he answered with silence.. But the silence strangely made me calm.

Getting no answers from the god never really calms me like this,

Every time I used to cry, get angry and say all sorts of words that were categorized in threat.

But, today.. The whole prayer I did not drift, I listened to everything.

'It's you, who gave all the power to conquer the things I liked in my life. You're the sole reason, why I am here. Working here and feeding my family more than I imagined I could do. The trials and tribulations were not easy to endure but I passed and crossed, each step moulded me into what I am today. I don't know, if I will ever be able to get happy again. If you wish that would happen, then do. Still I want what you want for me, love you jesus' I said,

My heart felt extraordinarily calm and composed, it's sunday today.

Gadha asked for a lamb biryani, I should buy Ingredients for cooking today.

Getting out, the weather is strangely endearing.

Is it going to snow?

No way!

The church bell,

The changing weather,

The high flying pigeons due to the bell,

Hitting of droplets made me look up, I closed my eyes..

I feel like, falling in love again.

I streched my hand to capture the snowflakes!

My heart felt enormously happy for some reason. It's the third bell in the church, I saw Mother superior passing by the roadside, I looked at her to wish
'Praise the lord'

But, someone called her and she turned towards him.

The priest started chanting the verse of today, I smiled, situations like this soothe me unknowingly.

Isaiah 60:22

"When the time is right;
I, the Lord, will make it happen"

He repeated it thrice,

My heart warms with the verse!

Looking ahead, my eyes catch a little boy enjoying the snow flakes, he dressed in a cute attire, sweater, muffler.. And he's so small.

During my posting time, when I posted in Pedodontics department, I used imagine, how will be small version of me looks and act like?

Just a simple thought warm me up, one day I'll say to my little one the it takes lots of years to find his daddy.

Daddy!

Then I'll be his Mommy,

Whenever I think about the future me Or future marital life, his thoughts eventually conclude my heart.

Aman!

He was there in the past, living in the present.. Hope he will adorn my future too..

Am I expecting too much? Or not!

Suddenly the dried and rustic life seems to be flourishing.

Oh, the lamb biryani?!?

I went to the nearby store to buy the needed items and headed home.

'Infancy!!! The smell is damn great! Mouth watering muahh' Gadha muttered,

'Huh huhn' I hmmed,

'Gadha, prepare Raita. Add cucumber and carrots too, long pieces and fine chopped onions' I said to her,

'Wait up, I know the process man' she said rolling her eyes,

'It's out of the world, Infan' she muttered,

'No yogurt for me, here add this if you want' saying this she passed the yogurt towards me,

She doesn't like milk, curd and yogurt.

'Infan, you seem pretty lively today?! How come? ' She asked,

'You're exaggerating Gadha. My profession doesn't really let me feel alive and this emerging back pain too, other than that, I'm not like, I lost the world. It's just I stayed away from getting close and getting hurt, that's it' I said,

'How did you met him? Did he really that much important that you're still waiting for him? ' she asked,

I didn't wait for him, the truth is, I couldn't really move on from him. Even though she chosed my friend over me, I've never felt the urge to let him go and let him eat his own poison.

I was there, invisible from many eyes!

Looking them getting close, my friend falling for him, seeing them spending time, I saw everything.

Still, I'm standing in the same spot.

Invisible, hurt and defensive.

It's been years!

But still I'm not moved on!

Now, I'm not that silly twenty two year old girl,

I'm mature enough to know what I'm doing, grown enough to segregate the right from the wrong.

'What If I say yes? ' I asked her,

She looked at me,

'You're one in a million, Infan' she said,

I smiled at her,

'Going for Poonam's marriage? ' she asked me,

'Yes, I just want to take a break. I want to spend time with my family too. So, I'm going! ' I said to her,

'Going to Poonam's marriage will evoke many emotions infan. Can you able to tolerate everything that is gonna happen there. You will ought to see her, you will see Aman' she said,

'Hmm, I know. Now, I really want to face the world. I don't want to run anymore' I said to her,

I really fed up with this running, when I got to know, my friend and Aman are dating, I ran from encountering them, when I got to know, they are spending time, I ignored them, when everyone wants me to confront him, I avoided looking at his face and eyes. I avoided all of him.

Now, after many years.. I really want to pull a end for this running. I need rest from this race.

'I'm gonna surprise my family this time' I said to her,

'When are you going home? ' she asked me,

'Probably in a month' I said to her,

'Cause, fifty days are there for Poonam's marriage. Till then I'll spend time with my family. After attending her marriage I'll be returning Australia' I said to her,

'Hmm, enjoy yourself. Give time for yourself okay' she said to me,

I hmmed and went inside my room, from the morning I have a constant feeling lingering in my heart,

It's like, he's somewhere nearer to me,

Like, I can feel his presence.

Pacing my heart, I looked at my diary.

I switch on the home theatre.

The dimness of my room, adding beauty the colour swirling lights made me lost in the world of love.

This melody has my whole heart, I unknowingly smiled, it's been years, still a single melody is enough make my heart race with his memories.

I closed my eyes, with a small smile, I replayed the moment, I first saw him.. His curious eyes met with my strangely exciting one.

Still those eyes are hauting me, that day is purely etched in my heart!

knock

'Gadha? '

She raised her eyebrows with a sly smile,

'Again! Infan' she said,

'Go away.. ' I said to her,

'If God really plans something, you'll definitely see him again. If not, this world is really cruel to make you unhappy' she said looking at me,

I smiled at her,

Hmm.. Yes!

The world is cruel, so so cruel.

'Let's see, if I saw him again, it's my chance. Eventually, I'll still wait for him. I won't even take a tiny step towards him. If it is really happening, he has to earn me' I said as if it really going to happen,

'But the chance are less' I said closing the door behind me, I closed my eyes, I don't know, how he's now.

Logging into my college website, I clicked the gallery, I scrolled, scrolled... And finally,

I lost the weight of my hands, seeing him after years, really brushed up the wounds of long ago.

Football is his life, it is his first priority.

The main reason of me falling impossibly in love with him.

Football!

And his thirst towards playing football!

The aura he radiates!

I laughed,

I scrolled more, he's a sports person. He can play cricket good as he plays basketball.

But, he's the king in football matches!

'How the hell are you, Aman' I whispered,

*****

Aman Pov!

'Aman' Mom squealed looking at us,

Azan touched her feet, I lowered down to take blessing from her.

'Maami, Maamu!!! ' I squealed looking at them,

I hugged him, dad joined and hugged me.

The warmth of home!

'Go freshen up.. Let's all eat' Mom said, I said goodbye and went to my room,

'I need somebody who can love me like.. A.. Know I'm not perfect but I hope see my worth'

'Oh, We're grown big enough' I smiled looking at out childhood pic, the picture was taken when I entered medical college, it's from my white coat ceremony,

In the corner, I took out the picture. I smiled looking at this picture. My batch photo. I smiled unknowingly, my eyes get the glimpse of small me!

'How funny you're looking Aman' I said to myself,

'Infancy...' I muttered,

'How is she? ' unknowingly my mind replayed out last encounter, the railway station.

'Such a brave and unique one she is! ' I laughed, still I'm amused by the fact she actually gave me a little love letter and hide it in my shirt pocket,

If she didn't called and said anything, I wouldn't have seen the letter.

My eyes shifted to her,

I smiled,

'Faaiza'

She, the beautiful mistake of my life. I didn't regret loving her. We never belong to each other. Truly,

We were never compatible,

I did break them apart, I took out my mobile, I opened my college website, I opened the gallery, I scrolled, scrolled..

Finally I found the picture,

Faaiza and infancy, they were best friends!

Impossibly besties!

This pic from the DJ night of our college day, I did broke them apart!

Smiling at each other, how beautiful they look together!

My mind clicked something,

I turned sideways to see the books which I used in my dental college, I started to open every one of them,

The urge to found that letter, made me frustrated,

'Where it is? Where it went? '

The pink sheet!  I opened the letter,

Dear Aman,

From where do I start? I don't know, how it happened? But, it happened in the manner, I never saw it's coming. I already said my feeling to you, but due to my nervousness, I couldn't able to say enough that day,

So it's my true feeling about everything, I like you so much.. Now it's start blooming into the most beautiful one. I have my whole heart bottled up with huge amount of love for you,

I never write letter to anyone in these twenty one years of my life, now I'm writing to you.. See you're so important to me!

I didn't say, you should accept me! But, try the love, it's so beautiful. Will make you see the world in a different way!
Bye.

- Infancy

I folded the letter, I smiled looking at that letter.

If you didn't love her, why the hell you have this letter Aman?

My heart asked me?

Like every time, I don't have a answer.

It's just you, Aman'

- Ancy

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